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Aqua

Molesters and whores of the 90s: the bony lizards that got away from the heat. That's possibly the best way to describe those who crawl the walls and walk the boards of this intolerable screech of a bar. Women here have not removed their flame-red, PVC stilettos since '93. Yup, the straps have well and truly set in. The sole consolation is that this underground lair is literally underground – and sometimes that's just where some things should stay. These UK earthquakes have been getting stronger for a reason. Let us all pray together; it's our last hope.

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